I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
