who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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