I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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