"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.