I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
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Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.