hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just had sex bonerless
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.