Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What changed your mind?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest