How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup