Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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