i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
