I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
