Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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