I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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