please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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