Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
