the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
