I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
