Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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