If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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