I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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