Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
