roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
