and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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