he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
