you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
