Swine flu is the new snow day.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
