How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
