worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
