Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
