I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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