So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
