Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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