I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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