this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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