I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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