So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
