my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
