I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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