is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
