the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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