i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need a beard to bite.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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