remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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