we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
