went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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