Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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