If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize