My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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