I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
