I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
