I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
