you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
