Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
