Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
