I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
