ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
