i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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