I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
