So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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