no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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