Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
